Do you ever wonder if you are allowed to be happy or if you are happy? Like I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Let’s say it’s been a rough few weeks since Jimmy had surgery. It has added a lot of extra stress on me worrying about him and taking care of the kids. I started experiencing loneliness that I hadn’t experienced before. I was beginning to wonder if I was allowed to be happy or if my happiness even mattered. 

I was recently talking with a friend and she asked me how I was doing and I said honestly I am okay, not great. Oh and I am exhausted. I told her what was going on. I was honestly scared to tell the truth to her. The last thing I needed was someone to judge me. But I took the chance to tell her what was going on. Since Jimmy’s surgery I spent many days sleeping on the couch. I was afraid of kicking his leg. He could only sleep on his back, which meant he would snore all night and I wouldn’t get sleep. Don’t get me wrong, my couch is comfortable and I can sleep very well on it. But after a week plus of sleeping on a couch it takes a toll on someone. What I realized the loneliness was creepy and I was going to bed crying. I told her I wasn’t happy and felt totally depleted. This was the first time I actually said those words to someone. Instead of judging me she told me that motherhood is hard and she cries. I thought wow someone understands me and I am not the only one. This gave me some relief. 

 After we were done talking, I knew I had to make changes. I didn’t know what I had to do, so I turned to God. I talked to Him, like I was talking to my best friend. I was mad, hurt and sad. I knew this wasn’t who I was. I would say for the most I am a happy person. I could stay in this place or I could make changes. I decided to make changes. I could let God fill my heart with love, joy and peace. God is there for me and always will be. He wants me to be happy even during the hard times. I remembered the verse Romans 8:28 “All we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”  

God won’t give us more than we can handle. I truly believe this. I truly believe God wants to be happy. Since I had this talk with my friend and with God, I have been happier. I also am waking up and choosing to be happy on rough days. God was trying to get my attention.

I also made some other changes and worked on finding some balance. 

Love From My Kitchen ????

Billie-Jo