The past couple weeks have been a little rough if I am being honest. I finally had a day to myself to do what I wanted to do and do things I needed to do. Jimmy was at school and kids were in a track out camp. I was so excited for this day, but this day wasn’t what I expected it to be. It was a day of emotions for me. For the past couple weeks I haven’t had any alone time, someone has always been around. You know the days you can’t even shower or use the bathroom without someone needing me. I knew I needed to be productive and get things done, but I couldn’t bring myself to do everything. I was emotionally drained. By the end of the day I was crying, sad and doubting myself. Not how I wanted my day to be.
We have had some really good days, but also some really bad days. It seems like when one kid finally turns the corner, the other two have their moments. JJ has been doing really well since track out started. He has been listening a lot better, really trying to grow up. Isabella on the hand has been a little pistol. She wants to be momma’s little girl, but also keeps talking about her birth mom. She is also being defiant. Doing things she knows she isn’t supposed to be doing, lying and having accidents. She is getting jealous of me spending time with Jimmy, Lele and JJ. This has been taking such a toll on me and literally has drained me. I feel so lost and like nothing I do is good enough or is the right thing. I know these days are hard and eventually will get better. Hopefully I can go through a week without a breakdown.
The morning after this specific emotional breakdown I read in my devotions about rejoice. No matter what is going on, I need to rejoice always. Yes I know that is hard, especially when my kids lie to me because they want to lie, doing the opposite of what they are supposed to be doing or they wake us up because of nightmares or can’t sleep. I know things will get worse before they get better, all the kids therapists told me to be aware of this. I know God is preparing me something bigger and will help me through the good and rough times. He wants us to rejoice. Even on the hard days I need to rejoice.
I think the kids are really good examples of this. Isabella will have a breakdown, but usually after some snuggles she is her happy self again. It’s like she can choose joy over staying mad right away. Or JJ in the middle of a timeout will yell to me, I love you mom. Lele will have a breakdown and giving her a hug and holding her usually soothes her and makes her feel better. When I have breakdowns it usually takes a lot more than a hug or snuggles to get me over it. But these kids are showing me I can choose joy and fight to be joyful. I mean look at their lives and how they choose joy and to be happy. So yes these kids are teaching me a lot. Maybe I just need a hug to help me and the kids love to give hugs and they always make me smile. Yes I am working on fighting to be joyful no matter what is going on.
That’s the Dish from My Kitchen to your Kitchen 💕