I changed the title of the blog to Fostering Hope. In the past month I can’t even tell you how many times I hope this is a good day. I hope “I” does not throw a temper tantrum. I hope “A“ doesn’t lie today. I hope JJ adjusts to being off his meds. I hope the kids get along today. I hope Jimmy isn’t late today. The truth is we have to place our hope in God.
It’s been over a month since I posted a blog about our fostering journey. Let’s just say I have no idea where the month of June went. I feel like I blinked and June was over. I will say the past month has brought a lot of joy and a lot of tears. One week alone I cried every day. Between kids lying and temper tantrums, it was a rough time. I asked myself many times, what is going on and what am I doing wrong. I have felt defeated for so many days. I am learning that I have to place my Hope in God on a daily basis. It is a struggle, because I really just want to fix everything now. I know God is with us and helping us.
Let’s start with JJ. During a follow up visit with his doctor, we were talking about him and his ADHD. We have only known JJ for 6 months and we have only known him on meds. But the JJ we have now is not the same JJ that moved in with us in April. This JJ is more calm, can focus, is kind, caring and loving. He is growing into a strong boy. His doctor said let’s see how he does off his medication. I asked what advice can you give me to help with this. She goes the biggest thing is structure, kids with ADHD do much better with structure. There is a difference between structure and being strict. We are learning what works for him. Having a checklist that he can follow for morning and night is huge for him. Having him workout in the am is huge. But we know we have to switch up his workouts daily. Some days he doesn’t work out, those days are a little harder. We are trying to keep his sleep patterns very similar to when he is in school. We are working on his diet daily. Food plays a huge role in his behavior. We have cut a lot of foods out, but we learned this boy needs his protein. We have been praying this transition would be smooth and JJ would be okay with it. He is doing so much better than we expected. Honestly this is all God. JJ is growing every day and really beginning to believe in himself. Some days are tougher than others, but we are happy with how he is doing. More importantly JJ is happy and feels safe.
The little one “I” has pushed every button in me that is possible to push. The sweet little girl hasn’t been so sweet, rather very selfish. I am sure there is something going on in her head, but she doesn’t know how to talk about it. It’s like a consequence works for maybe 2 times and the next time it doesn’t phase her. Things that affect her are not being able to bake with me in the kitchen or helping me. But the problem with that is her love language is quality time. We are learning that we shouldn’t discipline her love language. When she can’t have one on one time with me, it really affects her. So we started trying something else after 7 or so days of this, so we will see how this works. I think she gave me hundreds of gray hairs. I was on the porch crying the other day because it had been a rough morning. “I” was being a real stinker. I was crying because I was sad, frustrated and hurt. I was crying because of “I”. She came over and sat on my lap and was like I love you mommy. Don’t cry. I will go get you a tissue. The little girl that caused some of these tears, didn’t care she wanted to hug me and tell me she loved me. Maybe that was her way of saying sorry, I don’t know.
A has some really good days and some rough days. She has wanted to play soccer since we met her. She said she wanted to go to a full day soccer camp. I was super proud of her for being brave and trying this. She seemed to really enjoy the camp and made some friends. Not sure if she loves soccer or not. She definitely gets frustrated when she doesn’t know how to do something or doesn’t pick something up right away. We are working on teaching her patience and determination. We have had problems with her lying and not being truthful. So this has been a hard thing to work on. She told us she has had to lie to survive. We think that is partly true, but with how much she is lying we aren’t sure what is the truth and what isn’t true. Some days she is so helpful without asking, but most days unless it benefits her she doesn’t help or even ask to help.
It’s a lot of learning, trial and error. Really some days are amazing and other days are hard and I just cry. I love these kids so much. We are thankful we get to be their parents and raise them. Even on the hard days, I am thankful for them and all they are teaching me. They really make me a better person.
Thats the Dish from my Kitchen to your Kitchen 💕