We had a really good time with the kids this past Sunday, it was like something has changed in them for the better. We took them to see a movie and we both looked at them and got very emotional. Like this is our family. The kids hadn’t been to a movie before, so this was a first for them. We take so many things for granted, things these kids have never experienced before. We see a lot of firsts for them in the future. They were really sad to say goodbye and they didn’t want to leave. The oldest one said we love you guys, which is a huge step.The other two tell us all the time they love us. They were saying how much they were gonna miss us and they can’t wait to come to our house. We believe this is an answer to our prayers.
Jimmy and I read something in our devotions this past week that really hit home with us. We have been praying for months for God to prepare our hearts and the kids’ hearts for this journey. We even pray for the foster mom and the case workers involved. We haven’t prayed for the other people involved like friends and family. We know there are some people who think that we are crazy for doing this. They have their hearts and minds closed. So we started praying for all the people that will be involved in their lives. We are praying that God also works a miracle and moves these kids sooner than later. We also have people that support us, however they don’t understand everything we have going on. We have a lot of guidelines we have to follow as foster parents.
See my concerns with dragging out this process is growing each week. I have so many doubts that this is the right thing to do. It’s like the kids take a few steps with us and then ten steps back when they aren’t with us. There is something about this situation that is really bothering me and I can’t bring up my concerns, which is crazy. Our worker said this is the craziest case she has seen and she doesn’t want to rock the boat. So all we can do is pray. The foster mom is having a really hard time with this and we have been praying for her. She could be making this transition easier for everyone, but she won’t. I will be honest it is hard to pray for her sometimes, well let’s just say we see so many things very differently and she won’t really talk to us. When she does talk to us, it is a text to Jimmy. It is a frustrating situation and after a call this week I am more frustrated and mad.
Every night when I pray I get on my knees and pray. A lot of times is me begging God, other times is me thanking God and sometimes I am trying to listen. Well the other night I got down on my knees and Jimmy came over and put his hand on my back. Well I just about lost it. I didn’t know why he was doing it until he told me. He said I just needed to tonight. That day was a rough day for both of us. We both were extremely tired, from the travel day to visit the kids for the day and it was daylight savings. Plus we were really missing the kids and answers we thought we were getting, we haven’t gotten yet. It is like every time we say goodbye our heart gets ripped out.
I have had some frustrating days this week. I have friends that are going through something with their foster to adopt case. The only thing I can do is pray for them. Pray the judges rules in their favor. They have a crazy story, totally different from ours. The sad thing is some of the stories you hear about the foster system are true, a lot are not. Some people get in it for the money, which to me is wrong. Or they become dependent on the money as a way of living, not necessarily using it to make the kids’ lives better. Some kids are afraid of their foster parents for different reasons. There are so many different reasons why people become foster parents. In my personal opinion going through a private agency is better than a county one. We had an informative meeting with our county and we were so turned off by them. I believe they will license just about anyone, where a lot of private agencies don’t even licensed half the applications they get. Being new to the foster parent, let me just say it is hard to see some people in it for the wrong reasons. Maybe they started out with the right reasons, but through the years it has changed. This week I have lost a lot of faith in the system.
The best thing about this week is we have the kids for the weekend. We countdown the days until we see them. We want them to continue to get accustomed to their new home. We have a weekend planned for what a typical weekend would look like for them. Nothing special planned. Hanging around the house, doing some yard work, riding bikes, playing soccer, going for a walk, maybe baking and church. We do a lot of fun things with the kids, but this weekend we want it to look more normal for them. We were talking to the worker last week and I think she was shocked when we told her the weekends at our house aren’t all fun. We have a lot of structure. Like when they wake up they can come down and say hi to us, but if we are working out they have to go to the bathroom, brush their teeth and make their bed. They come back down when we are done. They also help with preparing and cleaning up meals, which they love. I think there is a huge difference between being strict and having structure and house rules. We can’t wait to have them for a full week over Spring break.
Please continue to pray. This week was tough in different ways. Pray for us, this is really hard in so many ways. Pray for the foster mom and the case workers. Pray for the kids. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts and following along on this journey.
That’s the Dish from my Kitchen to your Kitchen 💕