In the past few weeks I have learned so much about being a parent, especially our kids who we adopted. There are days that I am so sad for my kids for all that they have been through. We think there are so many memories that have been suppressed and they are starting to come out.
We realized recently that JJ was having a hard time playing in his room by himself and doesn’t like to do things alone. He has such a fear of being left, because in his past life he was left alone when he was around 4 or 5 years old. Even though we are home and everyone is doing their own thing, some dates he really struggles with that fear. Or sending him to his room for a timeout gives him that fear. My heart breaks for him. So we are working through this day by day. Each day I try to set a timer for him to play in his room alone or the loft, when the timer goes off we will have snuggle time or spend a few minutes together. I make sure to give him hugs and kisses. Some days I let him color in my office while I work and that helps him feel secure and safe. I always try to check in with him when he doing something with sisters or by himself. Sometimes I call him downstairs just to give a hug and a kiss.
My little firecracker is having major abandonment issues and only wants me. There are days she really struggles with having to share me with anyone. When I think about it, she hasn’t had the consistency of someone in her life to teach her things or always be there for her. I was shocked she asked to go to trackout camp, so I signed her up. She did great. But after three days in a row of going she was more clingy and sad. Can you imagine feeling like your mom isn’t going to pick her up? That is how Isabella feels some day, that I won’t pick her up. That breaks my heart!!! So we are working through these things. Whenever I pick her up she comes running to me as soon as she sees me and jumps in my arms. She is learning to look at the sun, moon and stars and remember how much God loves her and we love her!!!
Lele has some really good days and some days that she is really off. When she is having an off day, they are really an off day. We are trying to figure out what is triggering these off days. She has been having a lot of nightmares lately and some nights she is afraid to go to sleep.
Jimmy and I are reading a book about adoption that is really helping us. It is making us take a step back and do things differently. What works for one of the kids, doesn’t mean it will work for another kid. What triggers one kid, doesn’t trigger another one. These kids are wired differently than most kids. What they need most of the time is a hug and kiss. Sitting down with them talking and listening goes a long way. Starting and ending the conversation with a hug and a kiss goes a long way with them.
So make sure to give your kids lots of hugs and kisses.
I am hoping what I share will help someone else one day and that our story inspires you.
That’s What Is Happening In My Kitchen 💕